What Happens When Mama is Not There
One of the things I remember most about the episodes of my own childhood sexual abuse is that usually when it occurred Mama wasn’t there. She had usually left us with a babysitter, her younger brother, while she did what she had to do. This pretty much gave him free reign to do whatever he wanted to with us without even being suspected. My own daughter was molested right after I went to work full time. I had just got a job at a day care center and left the kids in my mother’s care. What I didn’t know at that time was that an older cousin who lived next door would come over and visit while I was gone to work. He played with the kids outside, while Mama remained inside with no suspicion of what was going on.
Since I have been enlightened as to how these things work, I have come to understand that childhood sexual abuse usually occurs when Mamas aren’t present. Many of the women I’ve spoken to about this issue have told me that they shared custody with the father and had to let their children go to see him when it was his time to have them according to court order. Could this be court ordered child abuse? Some have told me they were simply in another room of the house, when their husband or boyfriend molested their child. Child molesters sneaking into a child’s bedroom at night while the mother is sleeping or tending a younger baby is typical. Others have left their children in the care of boyfriends, step fathers, uncles, grandfathers, and fathers while they were at work. They believed their children to be safe, while in fact they were being molested and abused by the male present with them.
Now I’m not saying that absent mothers are to blame for their children being abused or molested, but I am saying that mothers need to be aware that these things usually happen when they aren’t around and usually by people who they would not suspect. Child abuse is always the perpetrator’s fault, not the child’s or the child’s mother’s fault. The blame is always on the offender, not the offended. If you are not absolutely sure that you can trust both who you leave the children with and who comes and goes from the place they are at, then you may need to find other arrangements.
But finances can be a big problem here. Mothers are often struggling just to make ends meet and have to leave their children with a family member or friend in order to work or they may leave them with a male partner. If the male partner is not the child’s real father, then this can be a problem. But don’t be fooled, even the child’s real father can molest their own children, if he is disposed that way. If pornography is an issue with this male, then it can be a bigger problem, as pornography leads men to believe that women and children are sexual objects rather than promoting healthy relationships.
There are no easy answers here. But I would urge mother’s not to risk their child’s well-being by leaving them with a male they are not absolutely sure they can trust, or even with female that they are not absolutely sure they can trust. Not even day cares are safety proof either. As a Christian Counselor, I would say that if it is not absolutely required that you work to have basic living necessities, then stay home with your children at least until they are school age. The bigger house and car can wait!