Why Adoption is a Good Thing: a Perspective from an Adopted Child

Adoption is a good thing.

Having been adopted when I was small, I have spent most of my life being around children, and caring for others.  I believe that because I was adopted I have a soft spot for children.  I feel that every child no matter who they are or where they came from deserves to be loved and cherished and encouraged.  Children are our future and they carry with them the burden of us all.

Adoption is a process in which a family, individual, or other choose to accept, love and treat another child from somewhere else like a member of their family, making them legally a part of the family unit.  Sometimes though like in almost every process, things can not turn out exactly what you would call "perfect".  Sometimes families split, and children get the brunt end of things.  Sometimes the adopted children are not treated equal.  I believe this is an injustice.  In my opinion, if you are going to adopt a child you must come to the realization of a few things first.

First of all, the child you are bringing into your home needs love.  You can tell yourself a thousands times that they are yours, and you love them, but the proof comes in the showing of that love.  If you have other children, you should take that into consideration, meaning the two sides, the other siblings and the newbie.  Will you show no favoritism?  Will you help the siblings to accept and respect the newbie(adopted child), and follow in your actions as well?  There are major issues here, and you must way your pros and cons.  It would not be fair to take another member into your house and not treat them as your own flesh and blood.  Never should an adopted child feel less than important when in comparison with the other children.  Never should the other children refer or feel it okay to make the adopted child feel  like less of a sibling, then they themselves are.

Will you let your adopted child meet or know of their biological kin?  As an adopted child, I know this bothered me.  I felt torn between the two families.   I was not encouraged or prompted to meet, connect with, or get to know my biological family.  I always wanted to, because that was just natural, but I was never led to.  Instead I was greatly discouraged, and because of that I was not at peace.  I wondered constantly about them, I wondered where they lived, what they looked like, what traits I maybe had for myself from them.  I remember my first job, I looked at the passing checks that customers used to pay for their goods.  I was a cashier at a department store, and every name on a check became my focus.  I wondered if I might have been kin to them, or if that person or this person was my biological mother.  These sort of things ruled my thoughts growing up.  When if my adopted family had showed me or given me answers to the many questions I had, and not made me to feel bad for even wanting to know such, I would have been at peace.  I believe you should help that adopted child any way you can, to get the closure they need.

There will be good times and times you wish question your adoption decision.  It is normal.  After all, even the adopted children wonder what might have been.  This is the natural order of things, I guess.  But it is important to stay focused of the one you adopted, making every effort to make them know they are loved, and that no matter what they do, right of wrong, that you will stand beside them, support them and that you do not regret having adopted them.  A lot of times as from my point of view, I would have brief thoughts that maybe, if I had not been adopted, I would have been a better child, maybe I would have done everything better.  But because I was adopted I doubted my role in the family, my reasons for being there, and my efforts to stay in the center were always clouded.  I thought sometimes that I brought upon myself hard times, because simply, I was adopted.  I felt like if one mother could reject me, then the next mother would certainly have no reason to love me either.  Making sure you stay focused on the adopted child and their worries and thoughts is a good ideal.

My goal here was not to discourage anyone.  All situations are different.  My objective was to show the adopted child's concerns and thoughts.  Maybe to give some insight into your worries or concerns as you seek to adopt.  I was more fortunate adopted than if I had not been.  Although my life was full of doubts, questions, I remain an advocate of adoption.  I believe some circumstances will lead to adoptions, and I believe all children should be given a chance to be in a family that loves them.  No child should go to waste, not simply one of them.

So from an adopted child, who is grateful for the whole adoption services, I bid you good day.

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kourtnie mcnamee
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